DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

ALT A SERIES, Price 25 Cents Each, Postpaid. All Others 16 Cents Each. 



M. F. 

Ail that Glitters is not Gold, com- 
edy, 2 acts. 2 hrs 6 3 

A Very Pleasant Ev farce, 30 m... 3 o 

Assessor, sketch, 10 rain. 3 2 

Babes in Wood, burlesque, 25 m. 4 3 

Borrowing Trouble, farce, 20 rain. 3 5 

Bad Job, farce, 30 rain 3 2 

Bumble's Courtship, sketch, 18 m. 1 i 

Bardell vs. Pickwick, farce, 25 m.. 6 2 

Christmas Ship, musical, 20 rain... 4 3 

Caste, comedy, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 m. 5 3 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m.. . 3 2 

Country Justice, farce, 15 min S o 

Circumlocution Office, 20 min 6 o 

Chimney Corner, drama, 2 acts, i 

hr., 30 min 5 2 

Cut off with a Shilling, farce, 2", m 2 i 

Danger Signal,drama, 2 acts, 2 hrs. 7 4 

Desperate Situation, farce, 25 min. 2 3 

East Lynne, drama, 5 acts, 2 hrs.. S 7 

Fair Encounter, 20 min o 2 

Family Strike, farce, 20 min 3 3 

Fruits of Wine Cup, temperance 

drama, 3 acts, i hr 6 4 

Friendly Move, sketch, 20 min. . 5 o 

Home, comedy, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Homoeopathy, farce, 30 min. ... .. 5 3 

lians Von Smash, farce. 30 min.. . 4 3 

Hard Cider, temperance, 15 min, 4 2 

Initiating a Granger, farce, 25 min. 8 o 

In the Dark, farce, 25 min 4 2 

In the Wrong House, farce, 20 m. 4 2 

Irish Linen Peddler, farce, 40 min. 3 3 

Is the Editor In, farce, 20 min..., 4 2 

I'll Stay Awhile, farce, 20 min 4 o 

Ici on Parle Francais, farce, 40 m.. 4 3 

I'm not Mesilf at All, farce, 25 m. 3 2 

John Smith, farce, 30 min 5 3 

Just my Luck, farce, 20 min 4 3 

Kansas Immigrants, farce, 20 m.. . 5 i 

Kiss in the Dark, farce, 30 m 2 3 

Louva the Pauper, drama, 5 acts, i 

hr. 45 min 9 4 

Love and Rain, 20 min i i 

Larkins' Love Letters, farce, 50 m. 3 2 

Lady of Lyons, 5 acts. 2 hrs. 30 m. 8 4 

Limerick Boy, farce, 30 min 5 2 

Lost in London, drama, 3 acts, i h. 

-45 "lin 6 3 

London Assurance, comedy, 5 acts, 

2 hrs. 30 min . . 9 3 

I>ucky Si?cpence, farce, 30 min 4 2 

Lucy's Old Man, sketch, 15 rain.. 2 3 
Michael Erie, drama, 2 acts, 1 hr. 

30 min 8 3 

Mike Donovan, a farce, 15 rain.. . i 3 
Mitsu-Yu Nissi, Japanese Wed- 
ding, I hr., 15 rain 6 6 

Model of a Wife, farce, 25 min 3 2 

Movement Cure, farce, 15 min. -. 5 o 

Mrs Gamp's Tea, sketch, 15 min. o 2 

Misses Beers, farce, 2c; min 3 3 

My Wife's Relations, comedy, i hr 4 6 

I\Iy Jeremiah, farce, 20 min 3 2 

]My Turn Next, farce, 50 min.. . . 4 3 

>ly Neighbor's Wife, farce, 45 rain 3 3 
Not Such a Fool as He Looks, com- 

i edy, 3 acts, 2 hrs 5 3 



M. F. I 

On Guard, farce, 25 rain 4 2 1 

Only Daughter, drama, 3 acts, i 1 

hr. 15 min 5 2 5 

Our Country, drama, 3 acts, i hr.. 10 3 ij 

Odds with Enemy, 5 acts, 2 hrs 74 

On the Brink, temperance drama, 

2 acts, 2 hrs 12 3 

Out in the Streets, i h. 15 min 64 i 

Pet of Parsons' Ranch, frontier ' 

drama, 5 acts, 2 hrs.,-. 9 3 

Pets of Society, farce, 30 min o 7 ■ 

Pull Back, farce, 20 rain 06 

Pocahontas, musical burlesque, 1 hr 10 2 ^ 

Parlor Entertainment, 25 min 2 5 j 

Played and Lost, sketch, 15 rain.. . 3 2 ^ 

Persecuted Dutchman, 35 min 63 j 

Quiet Family, farce, 45 min 44 -i 

Regular Fix, farce, go min 6 4 \ 

Rough Diamond, farce, 40 min... .43 ' 

Silent Woman, farce, 25 min 2 i a 

Solon Shingle, comedy, 1 hr. 30 ra. . 72 

Soldier of Fortune, comedy, 5 acts, 1 

2 hrs. 20 rain S 3 ; 

Seth Greenback, draraa, 4 acts, i = 

hr. 15 min , 7 3 

Schoolma'am (The), drama, 4 acts, 

I hr. 45 rain 6 5 

Slasher and Crasher, i hr. 15 min.. 5 2 

Squeers' School, sketch, iS rain... 4 2 
Sparkling Cup, temperance draraa 

5 acts, 2 hrs i2 4 

Taming a Tiger, farce, 20 min ... 3 o 
That Rascal Pat. farce, 35 min ... 3 2 
Too Much Good Thing, 50 min.. . 3 6 
Twenty Minutes Under an Um- 
brella, 20 min I 1 

Two Gents in a Fix, farce, 20 min. 2 o 

Two Puddifoots, farce, 40 min 3 3 
Ticket of Leave Man, drama, 4 

acts, 2 hrs. 45 min, S 3 

Turn Him Out, farce, 50 rain ..... 3 3 
Toodles, drama, 2 acts, i hr. 15 m. 6 2 
Ten Nights in a Barroom, tem- 
perance drama, 5 acts, 2 hrs... 11 5 , 
Two Ghosts in White, sketch 25 m o 8 
LTncle Dick's Mistake, farce, 20 m. 3 2 
Under the Laurels, drama, 5 acts, 

I hr. 4.:; min 5 4 

Wanted a Correspondent, farce, 1 h 4 4 

Wide Enough for Two, farce, 50 m 5 2 > 

Which Will He INIarry farce, 30 m 2 S 
Won at Last, comedy, 3 acts, i hr. 

45 m - . 7 3 

Wonderful Letter, farce, 25 rain . . 4 i 
Women of Lowenburg, historical 

sketch, 5 scenes, 50 min. 10 10 

Wooing Under Difficulties, 35 min. 4 3 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs . . . 8 3 

ALTA SERIES— 25c. each. 

4 
2 



2 
4 

5 



Beggar Venus, play, 2 hrs. 30 mm. 6 
I Early Vows, comedy, i hr ... .. 4 
j From Sumter to Appomattox, mili- 
tary play, 2 hrs. 30 min ... 6 
Shadow Castle, play, 2 hrs 30 min. 5 
I Jedediah Judkins, J. P., comedy, 
j 2 hrs. 30 m 7^ 

T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. 



THE WOMAN HATER 

A FARCE IN ONE ACT. 



Adapted from the German of^Benedix by 

HILTON BURNSIDE SONNEBORN, 

Authar of " Who Told the Lie;" The Wedding Trip," etc. 



CHICAGO : 
T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 
163 Randolph Street. 



CHARACTERS. 



GUS A Forester. 

BETSY His Wife. 

FRELIN A Chum of Gus's. 




Time of playing, Thirty-five minutes. 



May be played in any room. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R means right, as the actor faces the audience; Z, left; C, center; 
(7, right center; D F, door in flat; RUE, right upper entrance, etc. 



Copyright, 1890, by T. S. Denison. 



The Womhn Hhter. 



Scene I. — Betsy. Setting table to the left for hreakfast. She icears a 
plain morning wrapper and a lac^ cap covering her hair. While cut- 
ting the bread hums a jovial song. 

Gus enters from t?te right, remains watching Betsy a moment, then 
creeps np behind her, and embraces and kisses her. 

Gus. Good-moriiing, Betsy! 

Betsy {slaps his mouth). " How naughty of you — to frighten me, 
Gus. 

Gus {tenderlif). Was that fright so unpleasant ? 

Betsy. I just had the cup in my hands; if it had fallen it would 
have been broken. 

Gus {releases her). It would have been a pity, for this cup is the 
sweet keepsake of the young otficer. 

Betsy {gravely). Gus ! 

Gus {in an injured tone). A great pity ! You value the cup so 
highly, that you drink out of it every morning. It would have been an 
unpardonable felony, if I had brought about its destruction. 

Betsy. Gus ! 

Gus. The lieutenant is such a handsome fellow; he looks so coura- 
geous, so majestic. 

Betsy {looks at Gvs). Yes, the cup is dear to me and I will never 
forget the giver. When our house was on fire, as I was almost suffo- 
cated and despairingly cried for help, who came to my rescue ? He sac- 
rificed his own life to save me from that awful death!^ How he br.aved 
the danger and fought his way through the flames I 

Gus {pleading). Betsy ! 

Betsy. Were it not for him, I would not be living; I would never 
have been your \\ife. Should I not preserve his token? 
Gus. I was wrong. 

Betsy. Should not a gift, which reminds me of a noble man, be dear 
to me ? 
Gus. Sweet little wife ! 

Betsy. You shall never have cause to feel displeased over this token 
again, {walks to the rear and locks cup away in a closet). 

Gus {runs after her). Don't do that, Betsy ! I confess I was wrong. 
Take the cup out. 

Betsy. What have you promised me so often ? 

Gus. I will do better. 

Betsy. You annoy me with your jealousy ! 



4 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



Gus. Yes, I confess that I was foolish. 
Betsy. Only married a fortnight, and not a day passes that I'm 
not aggravated by your jealous fits. 
Gus. Dear little' wife, through jealousy I show my love for jou ! 
Betsy. Well ! don't I love you ? 
Gus {ernhracing her). Sweet angel. 
Betsy. Am I jealous ? 
Gus, You ? 
Betsy. Yes, I ! 
Gus. You have no cause. 

Betsy {looking at him reproachfully). And have you cause ? 
Gus. Xo. Oh, I know I'm silly— I'm ill. Be indulgent. 
Betsy. Can't you trust me ? 
Gus. I do. 

Betsy. Trust and love. 

Gus. Yes, you are right; forgive me ! 

Betsy stretches out Tier hand. 

Gus. And take the cup out of the closet again ! 
J^ETsy. Xo, no ! 

Gus. ^ As a sign of reconciliation ! 

Betsy. Xo ! {thinking). If you behave for a week — 

Gus. But darling little wife — 

Betsy. But darling husband, not before. I will have my way. Xow 
come to breakfast. 
Gus. Are you going to be pleasant ? 
Betsy. Certainly I 
Gus. Real pleasant ? 

Betsy {fondles him). Oh, what indulgence one must have for you 
weak men ! 

Gus. You are an angel! {draws her nearer; they sit down to table). 
Betsy {pouring the co^ee). Why, you are all dressed up ! Where 
are you going this morning ? 
Gus. To the woods; I'm having some work done. 
Betsy {hands him a cup). Here. 
Gus. Xol thanks— Fillipeen. 
Betsy {slaps him on hand). Oh, how mean. 
Gus {smiling). Well child, I shan't lose it this time. 
Betsy {sulking). How different I since we are married — 
Gus {laughing). A fortnight already ! 
Betsy. Formerly, you would lose it out of gallantry ! 
Gus. Am I not still gallant ? 
Betsy. Xo, oh, no ! 
Gus. But you know — 
Betsy. That you are a married man I 
Gus {laughing). That I dare not lose this fillipeen ? 
Betsy. Pshaw ! That's bosh ! 

Gus. This is an extra wager and 111 bet you'll lose it ! 

Betsy hands him the cup. 

Gus. I don't want to buy the new wrap ! 
BETsy. I wont try any longer: I've tried for three days. 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



5 



Gus. Let us call it oQ.. You're just as careful as I. 
Betsy {hiinda him the cup). Here. 
Gus. (laughing). Oh, no ! Fillipeen ! 
Betsy. Oh, do stop ! I'm not trying to win it at all. 
Gus. Betsy, don't get discouraged; you are generally so clever in 
catching me. Fillipeen ! 
Betsy. Oh. you mocker ! 
Gus. If it wasn't for that plush wrap — 
BETsy. Dear Gus I 
Gus. Well! 

Betsy. Drop the subject; that fillipeen annoys me ! 
Gus. Oh. I'm willing ! (Pause). My friend Frelin returned last night 
and will probably call this morning. 
Betsy. The woman hater ? 
Gus. Yes, dear, 

Betsy. I'm awfully glad to see him. 
Gus (sighing). H'm I 

Betsy. I'm so happy he is coming to visit us. 
Gus (touch I/.) A very interesting man. 
Betsy. I hope so ! what is the matter ? 
Gus. It is time for me to go; you can be alone with him. 
Betsy. My promising husband ! How well you keep your prom- 
ise ! Here's another proof ! 
Gus. But— 

Betsy (imitating him). I was wrong. 
Gus. Dear Betsy ! 

Betsy (still vwckiiig him). I will do better ? 

Gus {icith siiicmty). And I will— don't you see it's all over ? 

Betsy (mocking). Really ! 

Gus. I suppres.sed my anger ! 

Betsy. How heroic ! 

Gus (pleading). Well, am I not ? 

Betsy. A wonder ! You are not jealous of a man whom I have not 
even seen ? 

Gus (excited). But whom you are dying to see ! 

Betsy (sarcastically). How long is that cup going to remain in the 
cupboard ? 

Gus hides his face ashamed. 

Betsy (triumphant). Adieu, beloved cup ! we shall never meet 
again. 

Gus (quickly). Nonsense; in a week ! 
Betsy. No, not in a century. 

Gus. I am willing to lose the fillipeen if you can make me jealous 
any time this week. 
Betsy (haughtily). How generous! Oh, I'll win the fillipeen anyhow. 
Gus. You think so ? 

Betsy. I'm sure. But you have not yet told me why Mr. Frelin is a 
woman hater ? 
Gus. Because he is a fool ! 

Betsy. That's no reason; that's understood. I mean to what is this 
foolishufss due ? 



6 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



Gus. His mother was English, and he himself spent a great many- 
years in England and has always had an exaggerated love for everything 
that is English. Perhaps he has inherited these peculiarities from 
the English. He certainly adheres to his narrow-mindedness, which 
we Americans call a ci*azy notion. 

Betsy {listening attentively). And — 

Gus. Two years ago his fianc^ jilted him. From that time dates this 
woman-hatred. Oh, these Anglo-maniacs, that devour trashy litera- 
ture, always have some such eccentricity. 

Betsy. ^ Deceived by his beloved ! Is that all ? 

Gus. Is that all ? (excited). Is that all ? That's enough to drive 
any man insane ! Just suppose you were untrue to me. 

Betsy. Then you would have some cause to be crazy, but that you 
show traces even before — 

Gus. You women can't appreciate a man's love ! 

Betsy. No, we are not worthy of it ! {insulted). 

Gus. Most women are too selfish to — 

Betsy. Say all ! 

Gus {tenderly). There are exceptions ! 

Betsy. No exceptions ! 

Gus. But dear, you are an exception ! 

Betsy. Thank you dear sir, I am no better than my sister ! 

Gus. Is that so*^ ? 

Betsy. I am a woman — nothing more; we are all instinctively good 
and when we turn out bad, you men are to blame for it ! 

Gus. Perhaps you are right, {looking through window). Ah, here's 
Frelin ! 

Betsy. Then I must retire. 

Gus, But do return soon ! 

Betsy. Certainly. 

Gus. And try and talk with him. 

Betsy. All right ! 

Gus. Be pleasant with him. 

Betsy. I will, Gus. 

Gus. Betsy, be real agreeable; he is disappointed. 
Betsy. I shall; come home soon, husband, and good luck to you ! 
Gus. I shall hurry home; I'll canter the horse all the way. 
Betsy. Now don't be reckless ! 

Gus. D n't worry-— I'll be back in an hour. Good-bye. 
Betsy {kisses him). Good-bye. {Exit L.) 

Scene II. 

Gus {looks after her). She is such a darling — so good — so forgiving. 
My confounded jealousy ! Well, I'm young yet; they say wisdom 
comes with age. 

Frelix appears, R. His clothes are somewhat neglected, hxis a full heard, 
and hook in hand, 

Frelin. Good-morning ! 

Gus {'icalking toicardJiini). Hello! 
FBELDf. I'm back. 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



7 



Gus. Hale and hearty ? 
Frelin. Yes. 
Gus. And your business ? 
Frelin. Is attended to. 
Gus. Happy ? 

Frelin (sighs). Yes, thank God that I aui away from that noisy 
city — back in my peaceful home ! How are you feeling ? 

Gus. Married since a fortnight, and you ask how I feel ! I am the 
happiest man on earth ! 

Frelin {s/takes his head). H'm, h'm ! 

Gus. Of course you can't understand that, you woman hater ! 
Frelin {looks sad, takes hold of his arm). Oh, yes ! I felt the pre- 
sentiment of this bliss once, but I was deceived. 
Gus. By one I 
Frelin. Isn't that enough ? 
Gus. Yoa should have tried others. 
Frelin {sadly). Once, and never again — 
Gus. You were probably to blame. 

Frelin. My fault was, that I loved her, the faithless, too dearly. 
Gus And you annoyed her so long with your jealousy that she got 
sick of you. 
Frelin. No love without jealousy. 
Gus. You should have trusted her — loved and trusted. 
Frelin. Aren't you jealous ? 

Gus. I? no I {hesitates). Y-e — y e s, a little, but not like you; you 
went to extremes — you wouldn't even allow her to dance ! 
Frelin. She could dance with me. 
Gus. Not to talk to anybody. 
Frelin. She could talk to me. 
Gus. Not to look at any one. 
Frelin. She could look at me. 

Gus. You are ridiculous; we can't agree I But you're coming to see 
me every day as formerly ? 

Frelin. 1 will try it {sighs long). When the engagement was brok- 
en off, when I conceived the blackest hatred against the whole sex; 
when I sought an asylum here, buying myself the farm and did not care 
to see anything but the trees of the forest and the stars in the sky, I 
found you. You befriended me; I learned to love you; happy hours 
these were, when I could be with you. {sighs). 

Gus presses his hand. 

Frelin. I will try to continue seeing you every day, if I can only get 
accustomed to your wife, {shudders). A woman ! 
Gus. Why, 'Betsy is splendid ! 
Frelin. That is your opinion I 
Gus, Certainly. 

Frelin. They are all worthless. She could deceive me, whom I loved 
so passionately — so sincerely ! 

Gus. Enough of that ! I must humor you, Frelin. I'm sorry, but I 
was to go away this morning. Betsy will entertain you in my absence. 

Frelin. Never mind; I've got my Byron with me. 



8 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



Gus. Ah, twenty-six ! No other companion "but Byron ! It must 
awfully monotonous ! 
Frelin. But haven't I you ? 

Gus. True. But life is barren without woman's love. 

Frelin. I should like to see the woman who could imbue me wit 
a passionate feeling ! Never ! 

Gus. You never see any but your old housekeeper and a few country 
girls, that are afraid to look at you ! 

Frelin. They fear me like a wild animal; that's what I like ! I ha 
them ! Believe me Gus, I am making a great sacrifice to associa 
with your wife. 

Gus. I appreciate it; I hope — 

Frelin. What ? 

Gus. You may become sensible ! 

Frelin (insulted). Am I not sensible ? 

Gus. In all other matters you are a smart chap, but on this subject 
you are not — 

Frelin. Sensible ! 

Gus {looks at watch). But I must be off; my horse is waiting. 
Good-bye. 
Frelin. Good-bye ! 
Gus. Au revoiv ! {Exit, C.) 

Scene III. 

Frelin {soliloquizing). Poor friend ! How soon you will get over 
your intoxication ! Socrates thanked the gods that he had been cre- 
ated a man, not a woman. Oh, this philosopher of Greece ! For the 
women are the weeds sown among the wheat, by the evil one. (6"* 
doicn to the R. and reads). 

Betsy {dressed plainly, sleeves rolled up to shoulders, cap, remains at 
door and observes him). And that is the fierce man, who has the audacity 
to detest us women ! Perhaps he could be converted, though, and that 
would be a good lesson to cure my husband of jealousy, and perhaps 
him. I'll try. {approaches him, loud). Good-morning, Sir ! 

Frelin {gets up, bows without looking at her and, in chilly tone), 
Good-morning. 

Betsy {icalks toward him, lays her hand on Ids shoulder). You area 
woman hater ? 

Frelin {looks at her puzzled). I — will have nothing to do with wo- 
men ! 

Betsy. That suits me ! 
Frelin. It does ? 

Betsy. My mother always warned me against the men who love our 
sex too much; as you hate us, you certainly are harmless. 
Frelin {astonished). Yes. 

Betsy. And my husband will have no cause to be jealous ! 
Frelin. Of me ! Certainly not ! 
Betsy {claps her hands together). That's splendid ! 
Frelin {not looking at>her). Is Gus jealous ? 

Betsy. As jealous as the green-eyed monster himself ! I'm therefore 
real glad you're so harmless; I needn't restrain myself; I can laugh and 
sing, and my husband will not mistrust me. 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



9 



Frelin. Suspicious of me ! Certainly not ! {turns half round). 
Betsy {icalks to table at L., sits down and looks into hand mirror) 
Are you afraid of my appearance ? 
Frelin. What do you mean ? 
Betsy. Because you show me your back. 
Frelin (g^rowls). Not at all ! \turns round). 

Betsy. My husband says I should be pleasant with you, therefore 
you must be pleasant with me. 

Frelin. Oh, he did not mean anything by that. 

Betsy. If I'm to entertain you, you must look at me. 

Frelin {throics a glance at her aside). Indeed ! 

Betsy. Excuse me for straightening my hair; I had not completed my 
toilet when you arrived and I would not keep you waiting, for fear my 
husband should scold. 

Frelin. Don't let my presence disturb you, do just as if I wasn't 
here. 

Betsy. Thanks, thanks ! I think we two will agree nicely {removes the 
cap, displaying the hair in curls, ichich she arranges before mirror). Con- 
versation cannot be carried on properly unless one looks at the other; 
the eyes play a great role. 

Frelin (aside). She's a coquette ! Ah, I suppose so ! {Gazes at her 
some time; suddenly icithdraics his eyes to avoid meeting hers.) 

Betsy. Have you never heard of a language of the eyes ? {pause). 
You are well aware that, in order to carry on a conversation, two 
persons are required, and if you will not answer me, I can't fulfill my 
husband's wish, {pause). Shall I sing a song ? 

Frelin. If you wish. 

Betsy takes a guitar and tunes it. 

Frelin gets interested and watches her everj movement. 

Betsy. Oh, oh ! {shakes her hand as if hurt). 
Frelin. Are you hurt ? 

Betsy: I can't turn the keys; look at my finger, how red it is ! {holds 
her hand up to his face and blows into it). 
Frelin. I am real sorry ! 
Betsy {sulking). I don't believe it ! 
Frelin. Why not ? 

Betsy {imitating him). I'm real sorry - is that a tone of pity? Com- 
passionate friend, I cannot turn these pegs; help me, please. 

Frelin turiis the pegs. 

Betsy {knetls befo^'ehim atid strikes the chords while he is turning.) 
Still a little — so! Now that's A. Now for the second peg. A little — 
a little more — just a little too much. Now, you've got it; that'll do. 
{gets up, takes guitar and strikes a chord). Now you can take up your book 
again, {hands him the book, sits down at his L. turns toward him, and 
sings a song. Frelin listens attentively, the book drops from his knees — 
he frequently stares at her. Betsy , fearing to meet his eyes, slightly 
turns about after having finished). How did you like the song ? 

YwkijI^ {warming up). The song was exquisite! {picks v. p his book 
and resumes his position). 



10 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



Betsy {takes guitar to the closet in rear and, while sea^rching, hums 
half audibly, the closing lines of the song ''Bring a skein of yarn and a 
reel"). Oh, my ! 

Frelin. What ails you ? 

Betsy. My reel is broken ! I wanted to unwind some yarn ; that is 
real unpleasant. But dearest Mr. Woman Hater, will you assist me ? 
Frelin. I ? 

Betsy. All you have to do is to hold the skein. Please do I 
Frelin. But — 

Betsy. No buts ! Please do me this favor; I will return it some 
time. Even though you are a woman hater, you can make an exception, 
and be agreeable and obliging; I can't unwind alone. 

Frelin. But I do not understand how to do it. {his speech is softer, his 
manner less harsh.) 

Betsy. There is nothing to understand. I'll teach you; will you 
learn ? 

Frelin. I will. 

Betsy. Please put your book away. That's it; now look straight at 
me — this way — hold your arms out. No, not this way ! {places his 
arms in the proper position into the skein and commences to reel off). See 
how easy it is ? {pause). How long have you been in town ? 

Frelin. Almost two years. 

Betsy. And always so — alone ? 

Frelin. Solitude is man's best friend ! 

Betsy. Please pay attention; you should assist with your hands ! 
That's better ! Solitude ! That would suit an old philosopher, but not 
you. How old are you ? 

Frelin. Twenty-five. 

Betsy {looks at him wonderingly). I took you to be thirty; that heavy 
beard makes you look old. 
Frelin. Do you dislike it ? 

Betsy. Not at all ! On the contrary, I like heavy beards; I'm fond 
of beards, {pause). Mr. Woman Hater, pardon me, but I should like to 
know; have you ever been in love? 

Frelin. Please, Madame, do not broach a subject so hateful to me_! 

Betsy. I must request you not to call me Madame ! a style so annoy- 
ing to me. 

Frelin. But what should I call you ? 

Betsy {laughs). Call me Betsy; you are my husband's bosom friend; 
that is perfectly proper. 
Frelin. But Madame ! 
Betsy {thinks.). What? 
Frelin. But ! — 

Betsy. No buts ! but Betsy. (sj^^ZZs) B-E-T bet— out with it ! S-Y 
sy, Betsy ! 
Frelin. As you wish, 

Betsy. Try it. I should like to hear you say it. I nev^erheard a 
woman hater call me Betsy. 
Frelin {blushes). Betsy ! 
Betsy. Pr-r-r-r ! 

Frelin. Why ! what's the matter ? 

Betsy. JIow harsh that sounds ! My husband says dear Betsy— 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



11 



so soft, so endearing, it sounds much sweeter ( pame). I don't believe 
you could love. 

Frelin. Madam — please— 

Betsy. Betsy. 

Freltn. Pardon me, Betsy ! 

Betsy, I am awfully inquisitive, tell me, have you ever loved? 
Frelin. Do not irritate old sores, 

Betsy. Ah! Then you have been in love? Do tell me about it. I 
had an idea you were born with this idio— idio — what's that word? 
Frelin. Idiosyncrasy. 
Betsy. Idio^jn— {hesitates.) 
Frelin, Idiosyncrasy. 

Betsy. Idiosyncrasy {slaps his hand.) Pay better attention, you 
nearly dropped that yarn. Well? 
Frelin. What? 
Betsy. You ought to tell me. 
Frelin. Don't let us talk about that. 

Betsy. But dear Mr. Frelin, how can you be so cruel ? You've made 
me so awfully inquisitive. Was your beloved handsome ? 
Frelin {closes his eyes). Very handsome. 
Betsy {rapidly.) Was she young? 
Frelin. Like you. 
Betsy. What color were her eyes? 
Frelin {rapidly looks downioard). Black eyes. 
Betsy. What was her name ? 
Frelin. Lucille. 

Betsy. A beautiful name, how you must have loved her. 
Frelin. She was my idol. 
Betsy {sad). And she is gone? 
Frelin. No. 

Betsy {lets the hall of yarn fall). What? 

Frelin. No, she is alive, probably happy. 

Betsy. Did you desert her? 

Frelh^ {sad). No, she was untrue to me. 

Betsy. How cruel ! 

Frelin. Yes! 

Betsy. How can one be untrue? I can't understand it. 
Frelin. Nor I. 

Betsy. You poor, poor man —and then— 
Frelin. Then what? 

Betsy. Now I see why you don't love our sex. 
Frelin. Do you really? 

Betsy. Infidelity to a lover, that's horrible. Poor friend, how you 
must have suffered. 
Frelin {steps nearer) Oh, Betsy, I was in a frenzy. 
Betsy. I sympathize with you. Forget the deceiver, the traitress. 
Frelin. I never can ijiis voice grows softer). 

Betsy. Believe me, she was not a woman, she was one of Nature's 
freaks! Deceit is not common to our sex. 

Frelin. Oh, if she had spoken like you — ^you are so kind, Betsy; 
your sympathy eases my pain, 

Betsy. Really? 



12 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



Frelin. It heals those wounds 

Betsy. I am so happy, I wish I could comfort you {their eyes meet in 
confusion. Betsy casts hers down). It is sad to see one unfortunate, and I 
always weep when I see others weep. 

Frelin. You are so noble, so affectionate, dear Betsy. 

Betsy {cheerful tone). She was not worthy of you, forget the faithless 
deceiver. 

Frelin. Still she may have — may have— 
Betsy. May have what? 
Frelin. Perhaps I was to blame. 

Betsy. It is best to drop the subject now; confide in me when we 
have been longer acquainted. 
Frelin. Oh Betsy, I feel as if I could tell you all. 
BETsy. Do you trust me? 

Frelin. Implicitly. (Betsy casts her eyes down). 
Frelin {takes her hand). Look at me. 
Betsy. Take care, you will drop the yarn. 
Frelin. Oh, yes {sits up straight). 
Betsy. You are very rich? 
Frelin. Quite rich. 

Betsy. That is so nice, I wish I were rich. 

Frelin. Wealth does not insure happiness. You are richer than I. 
Betsy {laughs). I? 

Frelin. Your cheerfulness, your happiness — 
Betsy. That is true, but when one is wealthy, one can help others, 
make others happy. You are certainly charitable. 
Frelin. I— yes— no— that is? 

Betsy. Ko? You have such a good-natured face. I hope your 
woman-hatred does not interfere with your duty toward the poor — 
Frelin. It may — h'm— 
Betsy {interrupts). That is very wrong. 
Frelin. But, dear Betsy — 

Betsy. You must learn to hear the truth from me. You should not 
be egotistical. 

Frelin. But, dear Betsy, I will do better; will you aid me? 
Betsy. How can I? 

Frelin. Distribute my wealth among the poor, lead me to those 
who are in need of assistance. 

Betsy. I will cheerfully comply with your request and yoar purse 
will'soon feel that I am filling my position eificienily. 

Frelin. You can have as much as you desire. 

Betsy. You are doing your work very poorly, are you getting 
tired? 

Frelin. No, not at all? 

Betsy. If you are, Fll stop. 

Frelin. Oh, please don't, I like to help you. 

Betsy. Oh ! 

Frelin {jumps up). What has happened? 
Betsy. A fly got into my eye ; hoo ! how that smarts ! 
Frelin {puts his yarn away and relieves her of the hall of yarn). Don't 
rub it! 

Betsy. Can you see anything ? 



THii WOMAN HATER. 



13 



Frelin. Open the eye wider. 

Betsy. I can't, where are you {has both eyes closed, feels for Mm with 
her hand), 
Frelin. Here. 

Frelest stretches out his hand, Betsy leans up close to him. 

Frelin {swpporting Iter tenderly). Please Betsy, try and open that 
eye (Betsy opens her eyes slowly). 
Frelin {leans over her). In which eye? 
BETSy. In the right (Frelin blows into the eye). 
Betsy {impatient). That has not helped any. 
Frelin {repeats the blowing). Betsy, be perfectly quiet. 
Betsy. Now it is out {tries to loosen herself from him). 
Frelin {holds her). Betsy, flies are dangerous. 
Betsy. I thank you for your kindness. 
Frelin {passionately). Sweet angel! 

Betsy {laughing). My husband calls me that too but how long will 
it last? 

Frelin. For ever, you will never be different. 
BETsy {laughing). In a few years the wrinkles will show. 
Frelin. They can be kissed away {tries to kiss her), 
Betsy {slips away). What do you mean, Mr.- Woman-hater? 
Frelin. Ah don't tease me, I was a fool. 111 swear off my woman 
hatred if you'll be my friend. 
Betsy. I? 

Frelin. Yes you be my friend, advise me. 
Betsy. Why certainly. 

Frelin. I'll obey your advice. I'll do what you tell me. 

Betsy. And be merry? 

Frelin. Yes Betsy; cheerful and willing, 

Betsy. And not hate the women? 

Frelin. No, no, never. 

Betsy. Well then, I will try you — 

Frelin. Our contract is made, the agreement drawn up — 
Betsy {gives him her hand). Agreed! 
Frelin. It must be verified. 
Betsy. How? 
Frelin. By a kiss. 

Betsy (pashfully). Don't talk that way. 
Frelin. A kiss, as a sign of friendship. 
Betsy. It's improper. 
Frelin. A kiss of honor. 
Betsy. If my husband — 

Frelin. He is my friend, his wife is my friend {takes hold of her 
hand). 

Betsy. You know he is — 

Frelin {more passionately). Let me be the loved friend of both. 
Betsy. But, Mr. Frelin— 

Frelin. Dearest Betsy, please, please {draws her near to him and 
notwithstanding her struggles, kisses her. Betsy screams). 
Frelin {releases her). What's the matter? 
Betsy. My husband ! 



14 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



Frelin. Where? 

Betsy. He is already in the garden. 
Freleis looks through the iciiidoic). He is walking fast. 
Betsy {imploringly). He has seen all. 
Frelin. Impossible from such a distance. 
Betsy". He has an eve like a lynx. 
Frelin. What of it ? 
Betsy. His jealousy — 
Frelin. Good God, what have I done? 
Betsy. You kissed me. 
Frelin. And is that all ? 

Betsy. You don't know him, he gets raving mad. 
Frelin. But — {frightened). 
Betsy. My fear, my embarrassment. 
Frelin. Be quiet ' 

Betsy. He can read everything in my face. 
Frelin. Then 111 go. ' 
Betsy. You'll just walk into his arms. 
Frelin. But why should I? 
Betsy. Hide yourself. 
Frelin. How — where? 
Betsy. Please do — please ! 
Frelin. That will look— 
Betsy. Till his temper is over, please hide. 
Frelin. Good-bye then — but where? {wants to go to left). 
Betsys Xot that way, that is my bedroom. 
Frelin. Then here {wants to go to the right). 
Betsy. Xo, that is his room. 
Frelin. Then where, f r mercy sake? 
Betsy. Hide under the table. 
Frelin. Under the table, no, that is too — 
Betsy {implores). Dearest, best friend, do! 
Frelin. You are doing just as you please with me {hides binder the 
table to the right). 

Betsy. Nov\^ be very quiet {pulls tablecloth to one side so as to cover 
him conipletely, low). Now Mr Woman-hater, a little humiliation {tri- 
umphantly) a little fear even, then your punishment is too mild {hurries 
to the door at right, draws the key out, and sits down at table to the Uft 
a a d p u ts h a n dke rch ief to he r eyes .) 

Scene IY. 
Enter Grs, C. 

Gus. I am back again, wifey. Oh, you are alone? I thought Frelin 
would still be here. Has he' gone? Did you speak to him nicely? 
What ails you dearest ? Why don't you answer me ? (Betsy looks at him, 
shakes her head and covers her face again.) 

Gus. You frighten me, Betsy. Youhave cried, what ails you? Tell 
me all, dearest wife (Betsy throws herself on his neck and buries her 
face in his breast). 

Gus. Sweet wife, what has happened? Speak! 

Betsy {sobbing). I can't. 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



15 



Gus. That must be awful ! What terrible misfortune has happened ? 
Betsy. No — I can't — and still I cannot remain silent — my duty is to 
tell you all. 
Gus. Betsy. 

Betsy {still sobbing). Your friend (sobs) who {sobs) makes believe {sobs) 
he hates {sobs long) women — 
Gus. Well. 
Betsy. Is a betrayer! 

Frelin {sticks his heoA out from table). Oh, the snake! 
Gus. I don't understand— 

Betsy. I was nice to him as you requested me {still hesitating). At 
first he was harsh and short — 
Gus {urging). And? 

Betsy. Then he continually became more friendly. 

Gus {in rage). Go on ! 

Betsy. At last he wanted to kiss me. 

Frelin. Oh, the hypocrite ! 

Gus. Kiss you! 

Betsy. I refused. 

Gus. And he— 

Betsy. Kissed me by force. 

Gus. The scoundrel! 

Betsy. You were coming — 

Gus. Where has he escaped to? 

Betsy* (/a around his neck). Do not kill him. 

Gus. Then he is still here. Where, oh where? 

Betsy. He told me not to tell you and ran into your room. 

Frelin {groans) Oh, Lord! 

'Gus {quickly). What was that? 

Betsy. That? {hesitates). Oh, that was the wind. 

Gus. Wind, there is not a breath of air stirring. 

Betsy. Then it must have been the cat. 

Gus. The cat! fiddlesticks! Madam, I would thank you for an ex- 
planation. {Looks round room). 

Business of Betsy keeping between him and tabh, and Frelin dodging 
farther under. 

Betsy. Gus, do be reasonable. {Tries to put arms round his neck). 
Gus {jpusMng her off). Where is he, madam, I say? 
Betsy. Ain't I trying to tell you? 

Gus. Then be quick. Oh! I'll kill him. [groan under table, Gus. 
whirls round). 
Betsy. Oh, that cat. 

Gus. Cat, madam, I've had enough of cats, speak! 
Betsy. Oh, do be reasonable. 

Betsy. I was exasperated and in my frenzy drew the key out of the 
lock. 

Gus. I shall have satisfaction; {violent). Where is the scoundrel? 
Betsy. Dearest Gus. 

Gus {almost crying). To betray me, his friend. 
Betsy. Calm yourself, hubby. 
Gus. Give me^ the key. 



16 



THE WOMAN HATER. 



Betsy. You are too enraged. 

Gus. Oh, I am awfully cool and collected; look at me. 

Betsy {laughs at him). Cool and collected? 

Gus. The key! 

Betsy. You'll do him harm. 

Gus {sternly). The key. Do you laugh at your own disgrace, 
woman ? 

Betsy. Oh how ridiculous, {hands him key). 

Gus Now for vengeance, {hurries to the doar, puts key into lock). 

Betsy {laud, triumphant). Fillipeen! {G\]^ turm round quickly , and 
lets his arms hang loosely at his side.) 

Betsy {rejoicingly). Won, won — Fillipeen! {Gvs looks at her pmzled , 
opens the door quickly, looks into it and turns toicard Betsy; takes 
his arm). Who was not going to be jealous ? 

Gus {half angry, half puzzled). Madam, this is a very poor joke. 

Betsy. Who was not going to lose? Fillipeen. 

Gus. Oh, you minx ! 

Frelin {emerginy). Oh, you false creature! 
Gus. Ah, the cat! {all laugh). 
Betsy, {saucy). You challenged me to it. 
Gus. And Frelin? 

Betsy. Is a fool with his woman hatred. 
FREum. She is right. 
Gus. And I a fool with my jealousy. 
Frelin. He is right. 

Gus. And to lose the fillipeen! You killed two birds with one stone. 

Betsy {points). Here is one; I hit him too. 

Gus. I think it awfully mean of you to put me in such a temper. 

Betsy. Dearest Gus, I had to have the wrap. 

Gus. But it wasn't fair. 

Betsy {sta nding a few feet a way from h im). Punish me ! 

Gus. I will— 

Betsy. If you catch me, 

Gus. You can't run as fast as I. 

Betsy {sings). Quick feet, great courage. {Runs half o.round stage 
and disappears through the center). 
Frelin. Two i Dols! 
Gus. Yes, tvr,^ fools. Shake, old boy. 



CURTAIN. 



Eia:^HIOPIAN PIaAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid. 



These plays are " all short, and very funny. Little or no stage 
apparatus is required. The number of darkies is given in those plays in 
which white characters occur. 

STAGE STBUCK DARKEY. 

A very funny burlesque on high act- 
ing; 2 m., I f. Time to m. Three 
negroes play Claude Melnotte, Lady 
Macbeth, Macduff, "Lucimicus," Damon 
and Pythias, etc. 

STOCKS TIP— STOCKS DOWN. 

2 m. A played-out author and his 
sympathizing friend. Time, S m. Very 
funny and full of business. Ludicrous 
description of a fire. 

DEAF— IN A HORN. 

2 m. Negro musician and a deaf pupil. 
Time, S m. The "pupil" has a large horn 
which he uses for an ear trumpet, pre- 
tending to be very deaf. By stratagem 
the teacher causes him to hear suddenly. 

HANDY ANDY. 

2 m., master and servant. Time 12 m. 
Servant makes all sorts of ludicrous mis- 
takes, and misunderstands every order. 

THE MISCHIEVOUS NIGGER. 

A very popular farce; 4 m., 2 f. Time, 
20 m. (Only one darky, the mischievous 
nigger.) Scene : Chamber and bedroom 
off. Requires two sham babies. Char- 
acters : Antony Snow (the nigger), old 
man, French barber, Irishman, nurse, 
Mrs. Norton. 

THE SHAM DOCTOR. 

A negro farce; 4 m., 2 f. Time, 15 m. 
Liverheel turns doctor, and practices on 
"old Johnson." The sham doctor will 
bring down the house. 

NO CURE, NO PAY. 

3 m. (i darky), i f. Time, 10 m. Will 
suit the most fastidious; a good piece for 
school or parlor. 

HAUNTED HOUSE. 

2 m , landlord and a whitewasher ( also 
2 or 3 ghosts.) Time, S m. The white- 
washer discovers spirits in a house where 
he is at work, and is frightened badly in 
consequence. 

AN UNHAPPY PAIR. 

3 m. (and males for a band ) Time, 10 
m. Two hungry " niggers" strike the 
musicians for a square meal. Good for 
school or parlor. Very funny; ends with 
a burlesque duet. 



THE TWO POMPEYS. 

4 ra. Time. S m. A challenge to a 
duel is worked up in a very humorous 
manner until the courage oozes out of the 
duellists. 

TRICKS. 

A negro farce; 5 m., 2 f. Time, 10 m. 
(Only 2 darkies, i m., i f.) 

THE JOKE ON SQUINIM. 

A negro farce (Black Statue improved), 
by W. B Sheddaw; 4 m., 2 f. Time, 25 
m. Scenes: A barn and a plain room. 

QUARRELSOME SERVANTS. 

3 m. Time, 8 m Mr. Jenkins is un- 
able to procure serv^ants who will not 
quarrel. He advertises for a male cook 
and an hostler. The inter\new with the 
candidates is uproariously comical. 

SPORTS ON A LARK. 

3 ra. Time, 8 m. Two niggers who 
are dead broke meet and get acquainted. 
Business is very lively and taking. 

OTHELIiO AND DESDEMONA. 

2 m. Time, 12 m. A side-splitting 
burlesque on the chamber scene in 
Othello. The strangling of '"Desdemo- 
na" will bring down the house every 
time. 

BACK FROM CAIilFORNY; Or, Old 

Clothes. 

3 m. Time, 12 m. Things get badly 
mixed and the clothes are locked in the 
wrong trunks. 

UNCIiE JEFF. 

A farce. 5 m. ^2 negroes,) 2 f. Time, 
25 ni. A very popular farce. 

ALL EXPENSES; Or Nobody's Son. 

2 m. Time, 10 m. Artemus Buz is a 
manager, and Jemius Fluticus applies for 
a situation in his company. Very funny. 

PROF. BLACK'S FUNNYGRAPH. 

A nigger burlesque on the phonograph; 
6 m., and niggers for audience i^on the 
stage). Time, 15 rh. 

JUMBO JUM. 

A farce. 4 m. (i negro), 3 f. Time, 30 
m. A popular farce wherever negro 
humor of the stage type is appreciated. 



T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph Street, CHICAGO. 



T 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS # 

" rr'iiiiiii 



041 198 363 8 



Any Play on this List 15 Cts. Postpaid. Catalogue Free. 



Plays by T. S. DENISON. 

That the plays written by T. S. Deni- 
sdii are all things considered, the best 
tor amateurs, is attested by their very 
large and increasing sale. 

ODDS WITH THE ENEMY. 

A drama in five acts; 7 male and 4 
female characters. Time, 2 hours. 

SETH GREENBACK. 

A drama in 4 acts; 7 male and 3 fe- 
male Time, i h., 15 m, 

INITIATING A GRANQEK. 

A ludicrous farce; 8 male. Time, 2; m. 
WANTED, A CORRESPONDENT. 

V farce in 2 acts; 4 male, 4 female, 
nie, m. 

A FAMILiY STRIKE. 

A farce, . ^ male, female. Time, 20 m. 

TWO GHOSTS IN WHITE. 

A humorous farce, boarding school 
life; "^ female characters. Time, 25 m. 

THE ASSESSOR. 

A humorous sketch; 3 male and 2 fe- 
male. Time, 10 m, 

BORROWING TROUBLE. 

A ludicrous farce; 3 male and 
male. Time, 20 m. 

COUNTRY JUSTICE. 

Amusing country lawsuit S 



male 
15 m. 



ciiaracters. (May admit 1 1.) Time 
THE PULL-BACK. 
A laughable farce; 6 female. Time, 



HANS VON SMASH. 

A roaring farce in a prologue and one 
act; 4 male and 3 female. Time, 30 m. 

OUR COUNTRY. 

A patriotic drama. Requires 10 male. 
5 female. (Admits ii ni. 15 f.) Four fine 
tableaux. Time about 1 hour. 

THE SCHOOLMA'AM. 

A brilliant comedy in 4 acts; 6 male, ^ 
female. Time i hour, 45 m. 

THE IRISH LINEN PEDDLER. 

A lively farce; 3 male, 3 female. Time 
40 m. 

THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. 

Al roaring farce: 5 rnale, 1 female. 
Time, 20 m. 

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING. 

A capital farce ; 3 male, 6 female. 
T nie, 43 m. 



IS THE EDITOR IN? 

A farce; 4 male and 2 female; 20 m. 

AN ONLY DAUGHTER 
A drama in ^ acts; 5 male and 
male. Time, i hour, 15 m. 

PETS OF SOCIETY. 
A farce; 7 female. Time, 23 m. 
HARD CIDER. 

A very amusing temperance sketch ; | 
male, 2 female. Time, 10 m. 

LOUVA, THE PAUPER. 

A drama in 5 acts; 9 male and 4 fe- 
male characters. Time, 1 hour, 45 m. 

UNDER THE LAURELS. 

A drama in five acts; a stirring play, 
fully equal to Louva the Pauper. Five 
male, 4 female. Time, i hour, 45 m. 

THE SPARKLING CUP. 

A temperance drama in five acts; 12 
male and 4 female. Time 2 h. 

THE DANGER SIGNAL. 

A drama; 7 male, 4 female. Time, 2 h 
WIDE ENOUGH FOR TWO. 

A farce; 5 male, 2 female. Time, 45 m. 

BOOKS FOR ENTERTAINMENTS. 

WORK AND PLAY. 

BY MARY J. J.-VCQUES. 

A gem for the little folks. Exercises 
in letters, numbers, objects, geography, 
language, animated nature, motion- 
songs, dialogues, charades, pantomimes, 
etc., ALL ORIGINAL. Price, manila 
sides, cloth back, postpaid. 50c. 

PRANKS AND PASTIMES. 

All sorts of good things for hom.e, 
school or church. Nearly 100 diflerent 
games, charades and scenes, etc. Price 
cloth back, manila sides, 5CC. 

THE FRIDAY DIALOGUE b 

Short, lively. Boys and girls. Price 25c. 
FRIDAY AFTERNOON SPEAKER. 

For little folks, for older boys and 
girls, short, pithy dialogues. Price 250. 

Dialogues from Dickens, 25c. 

Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, Tab- 
leaux, etc., etc., 25c. 

Choice Pieces for Little People, 25c. 

School and Parlor Tableaux, 25c. 

Debater's Handbook, cloth, 50c. 

Everybody's Letter Writer, 30c. 

Good Manners, paper cover, 30c. 



T> S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph Street, CHICAGOo 



